Look, people: sandwiches are dangerous. Don’t leave your children alone with them (especially if you have not properly cut the crust off!), don’t eat a sandwich if it has not been in your possession since you left the house, and don’t go waving your large, sharp sandwich knife (which you need to keep VERY sharp) all willy-nilly around the kitchen.
If proper sandwich safety isn’t observed, bad things can - and WILL - happen. Like, oh, I don’t know, you might stab your longtime companion in the stomach, then eat a ham sandwich - WHICH IS ALL YOU WANTED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, BEFORE THAT IDIOT WALKED INTO YOUR KNIFE. Geez, cops, just relax. They love each other, how about you drop the charges? Done.
I like how the stab victim turned it around: “No, that was ME eating the sandwich, while bleeding, not her. And I wanted to go to bed. It was turkey sandwich, after all - it had nothing to do with that knife wound.”
[...] day, people are “accidently” stabbing loved ones while making a sandwich, the next they’re passing out while eating [...]
[...] this has sort of turned into a week of scary bad news, hasn’t it? First, loved ones are gettin’ stabbed by sandwich-crazed loons, then we find out having too voracious of an appetite for sandwiches (and not chewing very well) is [...]